Posts filed under: Funny

I positively hate being driven around at night, especially in the County I live in where as soon as you venture of a main road there seems to be no streetlights, there is something horribly disconcerting about having to use ‘full beam’ lights on a dual-carriageway. It might be my lack of attention to any detail when I’m away from home – surely this is not the same anywhere else? If it is then perhaps im the most ignorant back seat driver ever.

Many streetlights will be going off soon in a central Indiana city in a budget cutting move.

The Muncie City Council has slashed its $630,000 streetlight budget in half as it tries to close a $1.5 million spending shortfall for next year. City Councilman Sam Marshall says that services must be adjusted as statewide property tax caps reduce revenues. He says lights will remain at busy intersections, but that elsewhere every other streetlight might be turned off possibly as soon as January. I&M Power spokesman David Mayne says Muncie has about 4,300 streetlights and the company will be working with the city on the shutdown.

It would be nice to have my local council make the investments and provide us with some adequate lighting then at least they could justify trying to save money by taking them away…

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A Poor British couple recently holidaying in Spain had their car rental confiscated by ‘aggressive’ Spanish Police after they where unable to come up with the correct money to pay their ‘on-the-spot’ speeding fine.

Chris and Susan Troughton from Lythe which is near Whitby were obviously left stranded after the rented Citroen was pulled over and then taken 30 miles away to a compound. Strangely the couple said they did ‘not’ contest the 98 Euro fine but only had 50 Euro’s cash and various credit cards – which the Police seemingly refused to deal with. Slightly heavy handed Policing I hope you will agree! The couple said that they could not believe how aggressive the police officers were being and even tried to borrow the extra money they needed from another British couple who had also been pulled over but were stopped by the policemen from doing so. Mr. Troughton even tried to find a cash machine at a nearby shop where a customer attempted without luck to appeal to the officers on the Troughton’s behalf.

The day trip to Benidorm from their resort ended up turning into a day trip to the car compound via a train journey and 2 taxi rides – so obviously it wasn’t the best day.

“We spoke to some local ex pats who told us this situation is fairly common and they advised us to in the future to remove and car hire specific stickers attached to the rental car.

To add insult to injury – when the Troughtons arrived at the car compound it was locked as the owners where having a ‘siesta’.!

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I think its fair to say that everybody wants to feel like they are connected in some way – My mother loves being able to send e-mails at any time in the day. I was phoned at 11 o clock in the evening the other day as she panicked as the e-mail she was trying to send would not send, of course I went to her aid and realised the problem was not of her own creation rather a very stupid computer program being well, just silly.

Liberia has a fairly interesting past seemingly mauled by poverty and a lot of civil wars. This leads to obviously a complete lack of credible internet connections, which of course helps to keep people informed as to what is going on around them in the world. Of course there are newspapers but whats the point in newspaper when the hip world wide web is around.

Vice is also a good magazine – I can never seem to find actual hard copies so I reside myself to the fact I can just type in ‘VICE MAGAZINE’ into Google and it will come up with what I want. Recently they went to Liberia (see the connection?!) on a mission to write about the local warlords : General Rambo, General Bin Laden and General Butt Naked (stupid names but I wouldn’t mess with them). They came across the interesting Alfred Sirleaf a man who despite any form of internetty connection manages to ‘blog’ using a blackboard and some chalk.

Vice also interviewed the man who met Alfred, over the an internet connection despite being sat opposite each other.

The interview is posted below.

Vice: Where’d you meet this one-man Reuters?
Andy: We met this guy on the last day of the trip to Liberia. We’d been there to meet these three warlords called General Rambo, General Bin Laden and General Butt Naked. We’d spent a lot of time with these guys in really dangerous situations and so working with Alfred was a really relaxing shoot to do, as opposed to fleeing a brothel at midnight in the worst slum in Monrovia.
Yeah, he seems very charming. Is he famous round there?
Yeah, he stands on one of the main highways and every morning he updates this Daily News chalkboard with stories. He’s an “analogue blogger”. The things he was talking about at the time were Charles Taylor’s trial at the Hague and whether or not the United Nations’ occupation of Liberia was actually the work of the devil.
He says “the UN are the devil” a lot when he’s explaining. Does he have an agenda?
Liberian people are very religious. They relate a long of things back to the Bible. He’s a Christian reporter and he’s hearing a lot of things that typically happen when the UN set up shop somewhere, i.e. an increase in the sex trade and rampant corruption, so I suppose that informs his news a little.
And everyone trusts him like a preacher or Jon Snow?
Very few people can afford to buy the papers or get on the internet so he’s one of the main news sources in Monrovia. I prefer him to Perez Hilton.
Oh, I don’t know about that.
He’s not as great at reporting celebrity stuff, but he has a better style I think.

Here is also the fairly interesting video.

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All I can actually honestly say about the last 10 days is that as a person who owns a van there are so many uses for a van. Here are several which we discovered whilst away on tour.

Vans can be used (and I heartily recommend) for ‘van parties’ at 4 in the morning. Soulwax are definitely at the top of my recommendations.

Another great use of a van is to enable people to just ‘lie back and enjoy’ themselves whilst using all the best bits of various, assorted sofas and by this I mean – find a sofa in the street strip the best bits of it and use it as an impromtu bed/random piece of comfy furniture.

pandyvanwasted

Or this – I don’t know whether this is even a good thing but yeah…

There we go – week summed up in a few pictures

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I recently moved house. The house is nice and I seem to have made the right choice – something I frequently struggle with.
It got me to thinking how would I have moved house in my current financial situation – If I didn’t have access to a big white van, me being under the category of White Van Man.

Now I am part owner of the band’s van – which is good for a multitude of reasons: Being able to get to gigs and always have somewhere to sleep, on our advances for shows our booking guy over @Glasgow Music always asks for a space for a splitter van – which is a cool type of band friendly white van. Look it up.

Reason # 2 is that despite it generally being filled with lots of gear and occasionally some lads mags, it doubles up fairly well as a quick removal type thing which means – I can go from living somewhere with no cats, to living with 3 who live above.

I think this cat is the cutest.

Without the use of the van I would have to perhaps use van hire to take all of my stuff which would have cost an arm and a leg. Instead I have this situation for any form of removals if your interested in this contact me? Also If you have tried to move furniture with a normal car you will get what I’m on about.

Men on Side

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I tend to be appreciative to a point of conceptual art, in this last week it came to my attention courtesy of scathing online and print ‘zine’ Vice Magazine, that there is a lady only known as Laura who has decided to spend a month living in a camper-van in the middle of nowhere with a frankly scary looking rag doll to keep her company…

OK, slightly weird as the rag doll looks fairly big – its roughly 6 feet tall fairly big for any kind of rag doll. When asked what the hell she was doing she replied

A Little Pocket Utopia/Life’s A Mess is a project that underscores the obvious importance of relationships, love, society, and how closely woven these influences are to sustainable life. For the month of August I inhabited an ancient, newly solar-powered mobile home with a six-foot man/rag doll, becoming a living installation and performance…

Well we all know that we are kinda screwed due to our own negligence and general disregard to things like ‘forests and clean water supply and fossil fuels’. With characteristically scathing language Vice says:

We’ve even managed to f*&% up the sky by putting holes in it and creating something called Global Warming“>global warming. Because of this people paint catchy slogans on some cardboard, attach it to a stick, and march around streets.

I don’t really want to go into detail about this Laura woman and her man-doll thing because its slightly creepy and she honestly comes across like she has a few screws loose. What is certain though is that her idea is fairly credible and trying to find a relationship between:

The conception of this project blossomed out of my growing rage with changes in climate and the literal desertifaction of planet earth and how these global influences affected reoccurring themes in intimacy, procreation, and human relationships and behaviors. I wanted to create a project where the idea of sustaining human life–procreating–is questionable when we’re a greedy enough species to destroy the environment that we rely on for everything.

I have to say that the generic image of old biddies on holiday with their caravanss needs to change so why not true this out… Caravan hire and have a jolly good time!

OK, Well I do recommend you visit this article and have a good read it is available here

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Nice little video here for Oxfam’s push for something to be done about Climate Change – I especially like how Jarvis Cocker gets splattered with paint – similar to when he tried to get into a London Club and they wouldn’t let him in because they didn’t know who he was (Don’t know where I heard this it could be not true!)

Little Boots is looking cute as always and starts to look fairly uncomfortable when one bloke is kissing her slightly to much!

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OK, so the sorry tale of the White Van Man seems to have changed fairly dramatically. It appears our lager swigging lout of the road (and yes I own a White Van, so that’s apparently me), has decided to give his or hers image a ‘refink‘.

Perhaps the fitting image of the circa 90s/00s White Van Man – angry and generally frustrated with his job driving your goods around. However new research published today has suggested that out of a poll of 1,000 van drivers only 8% live off the omnipresent morning fry up with a frankly shocking 44% eating cereals for breakfast, and it doesn’t stop there, could it be the healthy breakfast which are encouraging white van chaps to head to the gym? With 40% regularly visiting the gym and an encouraging 74% would not consider themselves overweight.

Technology wise it seems they are moving with the trend 8% of White Van Men own some form of ‘technical electrical’ product such as a Blackberry or Iphone. On a touching note the favourite activity of a white van man is too spend time with his family on his days or night off, followed closely by watching and playing sport (football) and listening to music, Timberland anyone?

It seems that the modern Vans these men and women drive could be the reason behind the change, Sat-Nag anyone…

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Playboy Magazine seems to be facing a bit of a backlash from angry customer after ‘House Bunny’ Anna Faris have apparently proved a ‘massive disappointment’ to readers after she posed fully clothed on the front cover of the magazine and then failed to reveal the goods.

No Nude

No Nude

I was only on the cover of Playboy – with my clothes on – to promote my movie, House Bunny. Then I was in New York and passing this construction site and the workers were all shouting: ‘Hey Anna, you kept your clothes on. We want our money back.

LOL

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Now could It just be me, but does Katherine Jenkins the Welsh opera lass look a touch like that old siren of the screen Lady Penelope from Thunderbirds?

Lady Penelope?

Lady Penelope?

Katherine Jenkins?

Katherine Jenkins?

Uncanny eh?

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